Dear Billy Badness,
When you chose to ride a motorcycle, you chose to give up the freedom to drive with only one hand. Put both hands on the handlebars. You look stupid, not cool.
Sincerely,
A Driver who Halfway Cares
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Open Letter #19
Dear Overly Religious/Overly Protective Parent(s),
Your child will not succumb to the wiles of Satan just because she brought home a piece of paper with bats on it and the word "halloween". In case you hadn't noticed, it is mid October and everywhere you look there are pumpkins, bats, and yes, even witches and skeletons. I'm not saying you don't have a right to raise your child to be whatever religion and hold whatever beliefs you choose, but I am positive that it is not the goal of the school system to teach little Susie to dance naked in the woods around a bonfire. It wasn't even a homework sheet, for crying out loud. Just throw it away and move on with life. Are you taking your child to Wal-mart with you? Because I can guarantee that there are things far worse than this there. Even when it's NOT halloween. And no, we are not going to ban halloween themed or decorated candy simply because you choose to not let your child participate. We have 450 OTHER kids who can eat the Reese Cup shaped like a pumpkin and we are not going to deny it to them simply because you believe that candy was prayed over and blessed by a Satanic priest (true story, that's what the parent said).
Now on to Mr. My Kid Deserves Perfection, you can't have it both ways. You want us to contact you any time your child acts out but then when we do, you chastise us for attempting to correct his behavior. You write ugly and derogatory notes to us, yet when we respond we should be "ashamed of ourselves that we would think to write back to a parent this way". Look, you are NOT the only parent here. You are not even the only nut job parent here (the above momma is competing with you for that title). How about accepting your kid for who he is and moving on?
Too Frustrated to Compose a Valediction,
Fed Up With Crazy Parents Today
Your child will not succumb to the wiles of Satan just because she brought home a piece of paper with bats on it and the word "halloween". In case you hadn't noticed, it is mid October and everywhere you look there are pumpkins, bats, and yes, even witches and skeletons. I'm not saying you don't have a right to raise your child to be whatever religion and hold whatever beliefs you choose, but I am positive that it is not the goal of the school system to teach little Susie to dance naked in the woods around a bonfire. It wasn't even a homework sheet, for crying out loud. Just throw it away and move on with life. Are you taking your child to Wal-mart with you? Because I can guarantee that there are things far worse than this there. Even when it's NOT halloween. And no, we are not going to ban halloween themed or decorated candy simply because you choose to not let your child participate. We have 450 OTHER kids who can eat the Reese Cup shaped like a pumpkin and we are not going to deny it to them simply because you believe that candy was prayed over and blessed by a Satanic priest (true story, that's what the parent said).
Now on to Mr. My Kid Deserves Perfection, you can't have it both ways. You want us to contact you any time your child acts out but then when we do, you chastise us for attempting to correct his behavior. You write ugly and derogatory notes to us, yet when we respond we should be "ashamed of ourselves that we would think to write back to a parent this way". Look, you are NOT the only parent here. You are not even the only nut job parent here (the above momma is competing with you for that title). How about accepting your kid for who he is and moving on?
Too Frustrated to Compose a Valediction,
Fed Up With Crazy Parents Today
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Open Letter #18
Dear Florist Shop,
I get that it might be possible for you to run a delivery service with outdated atlases. Well I don't get it, actually, but whatever works for you.
But when you call me to tell me that the flowers we ordered can't be delivered because you can't look up an address....really? Cause I just looked it up on Google and gave you turn by turn directions from your shop to their house....
L2TwentyFirstCentury,
A Secretary who Hates Googling Simple Things for People
I get that it might be possible for you to run a delivery service with outdated atlases. Well I don't get it, actually, but whatever works for you.
But when you call me to tell me that the flowers we ordered can't be delivered because you can't look up an address....really? Cause I just looked it up on Google and gave you turn by turn directions from your shop to their house....
L2TwentyFirstCentury,
A Secretary who Hates Googling Simple Things for People
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Open Letter #17
Dear Parent of Screaming 2 1/2 year Old Standing in My Lobby,
Your child is wailing like a 3 month old baby. I had to look twice to make sure you didn't also have a young infant in here.
At 2 1/12 years old, your child is more than capable of vocalizing to you his needs and wants. The fact that he is pulling on your shirt and crying like a very small infant tells me that when he throws a fit like this at home he gets his way.
This is further enforced by the fact that I know first hand that your 8 year old and 6 year old respond the very same way here at school.
He's been crying like this for 23 minutes. TWENTY THREE MINUTES. Take him back out to the car until he calms down. Or find a sitter. (Or stop giving in to him when he acts like this.) This is a school. Other people's children are trying to learn. You are disrupting the learning environment.
Your kids aren't bad. It's your parenting skills.
It's Time to Grow Up Now Because You are a Mom,
The Secretary who Can't Answer the Phone Because Your Child is So Loud
Your child is wailing like a 3 month old baby. I had to look twice to make sure you didn't also have a young infant in here.
At 2 1/12 years old, your child is more than capable of vocalizing to you his needs and wants. The fact that he is pulling on your shirt and crying like a very small infant tells me that when he throws a fit like this at home he gets his way.
This is further enforced by the fact that I know first hand that your 8 year old and 6 year old respond the very same way here at school.
He's been crying like this for 23 minutes. TWENTY THREE MINUTES. Take him back out to the car until he calms down. Or find a sitter. (Or stop giving in to him when he acts like this.) This is a school. Other people's children are trying to learn. You are disrupting the learning environment.
Your kids aren't bad. It's your parenting skills.
It's Time to Grow Up Now Because You are a Mom,
The Secretary who Can't Answer the Phone Because Your Child is So Loud
Monday, September 26, 2011
Open Letter #16
Dear Warm and Comfy Bed,
Why is it that you are Oh-So-Wonderful at 5:00am on a Monday morning but not so much on a Saturday? You know I can actually STAY in there on Saturday, right? Like, until 8:30 or, maybe even 9:00?! Do you and the alarm clock have some kind of deal going where you are only super wonderful on days that it gets to go off? How can we fix this - I really want to love you all 7 days of the week and not just on the 5 I am forced to leave your loving embrace at some crazy hour.
Let's Work on This,
Your Sleepy Friend
Why is it that you are Oh-So-Wonderful at 5:00am on a Monday morning but not so much on a Saturday? You know I can actually STAY in there on Saturday, right? Like, until 8:30 or, maybe even 9:00?! Do you and the alarm clock have some kind of deal going where you are only super wonderful on days that it gets to go off? How can we fix this - I really want to love you all 7 days of the week and not just on the 5 I am forced to leave your loving embrace at some crazy hour.
Let's Work on This,
Your Sleepy Friend
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Open Letter #15
Dear People Who Work in a School,
No one made you work here. If you don't like children, get out. Right now.
No seriously, this is a safe place for children, all children. Regardless of their race or background, regardless of the choices their parents make and have made. For you to sit on your Upper Middle Class high horse and look down your nose at a little child who has no choice about his circumstances makes me sick. I don't expect you to know every detail of every child's personal circumstances. But I DO expect you to be compassionate to all the children. When you speak to a little child with an attitude and sneer at them because they are inconveniencing you...I don't even have words.
Just so you know, that child you yelled at this morning who came in at 8:30 wanting breakfast? He hasn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. He doesn't know where his mother is. His big brother who has always taken care of him is living with his grandma, and his little sister he's always looked out for is with mom. He is being bounced from house to house by his father's relatives. A father who, by the way, he barely knows. They are taking him in as they are able, but this little child has no idea where he will rest his head tonight or even how he will leave school. All of his possessions are in his bookbag. He's been wearing the same exact clothes for 2 weeks. Sometimes they get washed, when he is able to find someone kind enough to wash them. This is the only safe haven he has right now.
So for you to treat him like you did this morning is completely unacceptable. I hope you enjoyed that cinnamon roll you kept for yourself, because had I not seen that go down, that child would have remained hungry until lunch this afternoon.
Now like I said, I know you don't know every child's circumstances, nor do I expect you to. But maybe your eyes will be a little more open to the fact that these kids deal with things you cannot even imagine. And a little bit of the child was shattered this morning when you chose to be ugly to him. A little bit more of his faith in humanity was destroyed.
Try to Love Them Like Jesus Does,
An Advocate for the Children
No one made you work here. If you don't like children, get out. Right now.
No seriously, this is a safe place for children, all children. Regardless of their race or background, regardless of the choices their parents make and have made. For you to sit on your Upper Middle Class high horse and look down your nose at a little child who has no choice about his circumstances makes me sick. I don't expect you to know every detail of every child's personal circumstances. But I DO expect you to be compassionate to all the children. When you speak to a little child with an attitude and sneer at them because they are inconveniencing you...I don't even have words.
Just so you know, that child you yelled at this morning who came in at 8:30 wanting breakfast? He hasn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. He doesn't know where his mother is. His big brother who has always taken care of him is living with his grandma, and his little sister he's always looked out for is with mom. He is being bounced from house to house by his father's relatives. A father who, by the way, he barely knows. They are taking him in as they are able, but this little child has no idea where he will rest his head tonight or even how he will leave school. All of his possessions are in his bookbag. He's been wearing the same exact clothes for 2 weeks. Sometimes they get washed, when he is able to find someone kind enough to wash them. This is the only safe haven he has right now.
So for you to treat him like you did this morning is completely unacceptable. I hope you enjoyed that cinnamon roll you kept for yourself, because had I not seen that go down, that child would have remained hungry until lunch this afternoon.
Now like I said, I know you don't know every child's circumstances, nor do I expect you to. But maybe your eyes will be a little more open to the fact that these kids deal with things you cannot even imagine. And a little bit of the child was shattered this morning when you chose to be ugly to him. A little bit more of his faith in humanity was destroyed.
Try to Love Them Like Jesus Does,
An Advocate for the Children
Monday, September 19, 2011
Letter to the Readers
Dear Reader,
First of all, humor me. I am pretending you exist and that I am not just writing this blog for the amusement of the magic internet faeries.
Before we go any farther, I thought there were a couple of things you might need to know.
I started this blog because there was never enough room on FaceBook to fully write an open letter. That and people tending to think said letters were directed towards them specifically, which is generally not true. I am a pretty sarcastic person by nature and sometimes I just need an outlet to get the snark out, ya know?!
Apparently, some people think I am funny. Or have a talent for writing. Or something. While those people may or may not have issues, I am choosing to think that I AM, in fact, funny and DO have a talent for writing. Take that, 11th grade English teacher who refused to give me an A no matter how good my papers were! "If it's not good enough to be published, I can't give you an A for it. A is for excellence."
It's possible I might have some stalker tendencies. I check my stats and get really excited when I have a page view that isn't mine. Yeah, I know. Anyway, if you ARE reading this, drop me a comment. You can remain anonymous if you REALLY want to. That will slowly drive me crazy, just so you know. Or crazier. Whatever.
I've made many attempts at blogging over the years but most of those have failed because the blog lacked direction. So I'm trying to keep the format of an open letter so the blog will have focus. This will probably change over time, but it's a start! And I've managed to keep it going this long!
Some things about me that you might not pick up on just due to the nature of this blog:
First of all, humor me. I am pretending you exist and that I am not just writing this blog for the amusement of the magic internet faeries.
Before we go any farther, I thought there were a couple of things you might need to know.
I started this blog because there was never enough room on FaceBook to fully write an open letter. That and people tending to think said letters were directed towards them specifically, which is generally not true. I am a pretty sarcastic person by nature and sometimes I just need an outlet to get the snark out, ya know?!
Apparently, some people think I am funny. Or have a talent for writing. Or something. While those people may or may not have issues, I am choosing to think that I AM, in fact, funny and DO have a talent for writing. Take that, 11th grade English teacher who refused to give me an A no matter how good my papers were! "If it's not good enough to be published, I can't give you an A for it. A is for excellence."
It's possible I might have some stalker tendencies. I check my stats and get really excited when I have a page view that isn't mine. Yeah, I know. Anyway, if you ARE reading this, drop me a comment. You can remain anonymous if you REALLY want to. That will slowly drive me crazy, just so you know. Or crazier. Whatever.
I've made many attempts at blogging over the years but most of those have failed because the blog lacked direction. So I'm trying to keep the format of an open letter so the blog will have focus. This will probably change over time, but it's a start! And I've managed to keep it going this long!
Some things about me that you might not pick up on just due to the nature of this blog:
- I'm first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my reason for everything in life. Please don't let the angrier of the posts fool you - I am committed to being daily molded to the image of Christ. That is another reason I started this blog; I noticed a creeping tendency to blurt things out and sometimes those things were inappropriate and/or hurtful. This blog is an outlet for me to get those things out of my system.
- I'm so incredibly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. Every day I love him more than I did the day before.
- We have 2 great kids. I mean really great. Other people think their kids are great, and I'm sure they are, but ours are freaking great. I'm just sayin'. And they do not get their sense of humor from me. Or their use of sarcasm. I'll take full credit for their philanthropic tendencies and loving natures though.
- I work as a school finance and record keeping secretary at a public school in North Carolina with about 450 students. These kids are largely "from da hood" and live in poverty. This tends to lead to me using my "ghetto voice".
- I have a real passion for children and mental disabilities, both together and separately. This tends to come through in my writing. I may be prone to jumping up on my soapbox and going off when one of these hot button issues is pushed.
- I don't do secrets well. Or double lives. What you see is what you get. I'm not going to pretty it up to make myself feel better, though I do try to spare feelings when possible.
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