Dear Billy Badness,
When you chose to ride a motorcycle, you chose to give up the freedom to drive with only one hand. Put both hands on the handlebars. You look stupid, not cool.
Sincerely,
A Driver who Halfway Cares
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Open Letter #19
Dear Overly Religious/Overly Protective Parent(s),
Your child will not succumb to the wiles of Satan just because she brought home a piece of paper with bats on it and the word "halloween". In case you hadn't noticed, it is mid October and everywhere you look there are pumpkins, bats, and yes, even witches and skeletons. I'm not saying you don't have a right to raise your child to be whatever religion and hold whatever beliefs you choose, but I am positive that it is not the goal of the school system to teach little Susie to dance naked in the woods around a bonfire. It wasn't even a homework sheet, for crying out loud. Just throw it away and move on with life. Are you taking your child to Wal-mart with you? Because I can guarantee that there are things far worse than this there. Even when it's NOT halloween. And no, we are not going to ban halloween themed or decorated candy simply because you choose to not let your child participate. We have 450 OTHER kids who can eat the Reese Cup shaped like a pumpkin and we are not going to deny it to them simply because you believe that candy was prayed over and blessed by a Satanic priest (true story, that's what the parent said).
Now on to Mr. My Kid Deserves Perfection, you can't have it both ways. You want us to contact you any time your child acts out but then when we do, you chastise us for attempting to correct his behavior. You write ugly and derogatory notes to us, yet when we respond we should be "ashamed of ourselves that we would think to write back to a parent this way". Look, you are NOT the only parent here. You are not even the only nut job parent here (the above momma is competing with you for that title). How about accepting your kid for who he is and moving on?
Too Frustrated to Compose a Valediction,
Fed Up With Crazy Parents Today
Your child will not succumb to the wiles of Satan just because she brought home a piece of paper with bats on it and the word "halloween". In case you hadn't noticed, it is mid October and everywhere you look there are pumpkins, bats, and yes, even witches and skeletons. I'm not saying you don't have a right to raise your child to be whatever religion and hold whatever beliefs you choose, but I am positive that it is not the goal of the school system to teach little Susie to dance naked in the woods around a bonfire. It wasn't even a homework sheet, for crying out loud. Just throw it away and move on with life. Are you taking your child to Wal-mart with you? Because I can guarantee that there are things far worse than this there. Even when it's NOT halloween. And no, we are not going to ban halloween themed or decorated candy simply because you choose to not let your child participate. We have 450 OTHER kids who can eat the Reese Cup shaped like a pumpkin and we are not going to deny it to them simply because you believe that candy was prayed over and blessed by a Satanic priest (true story, that's what the parent said).
Now on to Mr. My Kid Deserves Perfection, you can't have it both ways. You want us to contact you any time your child acts out but then when we do, you chastise us for attempting to correct his behavior. You write ugly and derogatory notes to us, yet when we respond we should be "ashamed of ourselves that we would think to write back to a parent this way". Look, you are NOT the only parent here. You are not even the only nut job parent here (the above momma is competing with you for that title). How about accepting your kid for who he is and moving on?
Too Frustrated to Compose a Valediction,
Fed Up With Crazy Parents Today
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Open Letter #18
Dear Florist Shop,
I get that it might be possible for you to run a delivery service with outdated atlases. Well I don't get it, actually, but whatever works for you.
But when you call me to tell me that the flowers we ordered can't be delivered because you can't look up an address....really? Cause I just looked it up on Google and gave you turn by turn directions from your shop to their house....
L2TwentyFirstCentury,
A Secretary who Hates Googling Simple Things for People
I get that it might be possible for you to run a delivery service with outdated atlases. Well I don't get it, actually, but whatever works for you.
But when you call me to tell me that the flowers we ordered can't be delivered because you can't look up an address....really? Cause I just looked it up on Google and gave you turn by turn directions from your shop to their house....
L2TwentyFirstCentury,
A Secretary who Hates Googling Simple Things for People
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