Time Keeps on Slippin'.....

I carved out some creative time recently. I need it for my sanity, to keep me on top of my game, and because I feel like I'm wasting some of the talents God's graced me with by not using them AT ALL.

So. Crafting or Blogging.

Open Letter #??

I was going back through my drafts and found this hidden gem from 2011. I don't remember writing it, but it must have been a REALLY bad day. To my FHE peeps, you know I really do love you and don't mind you being in my office at all. Well most of the time anyway! :P

Dear 5 People in the Hall Outside My Office,

I'm working. You know, that thing YOU are probably supposed to be doing right now. Except you are waiting to see the Principal or Assistant Principal. Guess what? She's working too! Go away!

Anyway, since you are out there/in here, let me point out a few key things to you:

• This is not the complaint department. I cannot solve all your problems.
• It's hard to balance budgets and pay invoices when you are telling me about your scam to cheat someone's insurance out of money cause that girl hit you the other night with her daddy's car.
• My office is really not that big. You can't all fit in here.
• One of you needs more deodorant and someone else needs less cologne.
• I am totally writing an open letter on my blog to you while I am halfway pretending to listen to you gripe because I certainly can't focus on my JOB right now.

You People are Going to Drive Me to Drink and it's Only 9:30am,
Your Trapped in her Office Secretary

I'M FAMOUS!

Ok, not really. But I noticed that my web traffic was picking up and it was coming from...

DUN DUN DUN.....

PINTEREST!!!!!

WOOOOO I have made the big time now! Somebody pinned me on Pinterest!

Then I noticed I haven't actually added any new content since October. Oops.

BUT I have about a zillion pictures on my phone I need to upload and blog about so maybe I'll get those going. And I've got 5 or 6 drafts I could edit and publish. So for my new stalkers, WELCOME! (And yes, I am totally crazy)

Open Letter #27

Dear Office Supply Company,

First off, let me say I think your free shipping and almost always next day delivery are awesome. I also love that you have uber discounts for me and that you send me coupons almost every day. Your website is super easy to navigate, your search feature not only finds what I'm looking for but remembers what I've ordered so when I'm trying to find that particular quantity and brand of glue sticks it suggests them for me. I like that you give me $2 credit for every ink cartridge I send in. I like that my account rep seems genuinely interested in not only making the sale but also in cultivating a relationship with me and in helping me find ways to save money and stretch my budget.

That being said...

I need you to work on your online images. Because I can't SEE the construction paper I'm ordering and yes, it DOES matter what the actual color is.

Example:

This is Butterscotch

This is Orange

That's the same picture. And yes, it's the same brand. Which means it's NOT the same color. So Now I don't know which is orange and which is sort of orange. And if you are a teacher it matters. A lot apparently.  You should see the red. Holiday red is more like pinkish red while red is more like burgundy. You have to order red-orange to get the crayon definition of red. And when you buy it 200 packs at a time, you really need to get the right color, because people will just not use it and then you are stuck with a bunch of it left over that never gets used (I'm looking at you, Caramel, that actually turned out to be more like doo-doo brown).

So if you could just fix that one teensy weensy little thing we could go back to being madly in love.

Colorfully Yours,
The Secretary with a Closet Full of Doo-doo Brown and Lime Green Paper

Open Letter #25

Dear People Who Like to be Popsicles,

I have a space heater now. Which I am running. Even though it is 90 degrees outside. So there.

Better Luck Freezing Me Out Next Time,
The Only One NOT Going Through "The Change" (apparently)

Open Letter #22

Dear Walgreens,

All I wanted was some buy one get one half off shampoo.

But no.

You just HAD to let me wander over to the nail polish section. Where you just HAD to have like 30 different new shades and designs of Sally Hansen Nail Strips. Which you KNOW I have an addiction to. And there was that cute plaid one. And the stripey one. And like 4 new glittery ones. Oh, and this one.

Thanks a lot. Now my hair is clean AND I have new nail polish. It's like I'm turning into a girl or something.

Ignore the Typos Because it's Hard to Type with Freshly Redone Nails,

The Chick Rocking the Above Pictured Style

Deadliest Catch

Well, my kid brought home a permission slip so I signed it. Then I asked what it was for.

Oh.

It was permission to bring home these guys from his school science kit.

You might not be able to tell, but yes, those are fiddler crabs.

Well, if we are going to be crab owners, we might as well have fun with it, right? So I cobbled together some basic supplies and prayed for my child's sake they would make it through the weekend.

Well considering I did 17 minutes of research on Google and the fact that I have seen all 7 seasons of Deadliest Catch on Netflix, we should be good to go, right? Please note, if you haven't watched Deadliest Catch, the rest of this post is going to make you wonder if I am on crack, because it is NOT going to make any sense.

Open Letter #16

Dear Warm and Comfy Bed,

Why is it that you are Oh-So-Wonderful at 5:00am on a Monday morning but not so much on a Saturday? You know I can actually STAY in there on Saturday, right? Like, until 8:30 or, maybe even 9:00?! Do you and the alarm clock have some kind of deal going where you are only super wonderful on days that it gets to go off? How can we fix this - I really want to love you all 7 days of the week and not just on the 5 I am forced to leave your loving embrace at some crazy hour.

Let's Work on This,
Your Sleepy Friend

Letter to the Readers

Dear Reader,

First of all, humor me. I am pretending you exist and that I am not just writing this blog for the amusement of the magic internet faeries.

Before we go any farther, I thought there were a couple of things you might need to know.

I started this blog because there was never enough room on FaceBook to fully write an open letter. That and people tending to think said letters were directed towards them specifically, which is generally not true. I am a pretty sarcastic person by nature and sometimes I just need an outlet to get the snark out, ya know?!

Apparently, some people think I am funny. Or have a talent for writing. Or something. While those people may or may not have issues, I am choosing to think that I AM, in fact, funny and DO have a talent for writing. Take that, 11th grade English teacher who refused to give me an A no matter how good my papers were! "If it's not good enough to be published, I can't give you an A for it. A is for excellence."


It's possible I might have some stalker tendencies. I check my stats and get really excited when I have a page view that isn't mine. Yeah, I know. Anyway, if you ARE reading this, drop me a comment. You can remain anonymous if you REALLY want to. That will slowly drive me crazy, just so you know. Or crazier. Whatever.

I've made many attempts at blogging over the years but most of those have failed because the blog lacked direction. So I'm trying to keep the format of an open letter so the blog will have focus. This will probably change over time, but it's a start! And I've managed to keep it going this long!

Some things about me that you might not pick up on just due to the nature of this blog:

• I'm first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my reason for everything in life. Please don't let the angrier of the posts fool you - I am committed to being daily molded to the image of Christ. That is another reason I started this blog; I noticed a creeping tendency to blurt things out and sometimes those things were inappropriate and/or hurtful. This blog is an outlet for me to get those things out of my system.
• I'm so incredibly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. Every day I love him more than I did the day before.
• We have 2 great kids. I mean really great. Other people think their kids are great, and I'm sure they are, but ours are freaking great. I'm just sayin'. And they do not get their sense of humor from me. Or their use of sarcasm. I'll take full credit for their philanthropic tendencies and loving natures though.
• I work as a school finance and record keeping secretary at a public school in North Carolina with about 450 students. These kids are largely "from da hood" and live in poverty. This tends to lead to me using my "ghetto voice".
• I have a real passion for children and mental disabilities, both together and separately. This tends to come through in my writing. I may be prone to jumping up on my soapbox and going off when one of these hot button issues is pushed.
• I don't do secrets well. Or double lives. What you see is what you get. I'm not going to pretty it up to make myself feel better, though I do try to spare feelings when possible.

There's lots of other things about me, but I think they will probably show up in my writing. So anyway, I hope you are enjoying this blog and maybe you'll be inspired to write your own! And if you think one of those open letters is directed towards you, it's 99% likely that it's not. There's always that 1% though...

Open Letter #9

Dear Rain Gently Falling on my Rooftop at 5:30 in the Morning,

I love you. I love the way you sound cascading down the roof, the soft pitter patter your drops make as they hit the top of my house.

I love the way you soothingly splatter on my bedroom window. I love the sound you make when you puddle together in the gutters, the calming trinkle coming out of my down spouts.

Please stop.

You see, it is now dark:30a.m. and this means I have to get out of bed and go to work. And all I want to do is stay here in my cozy bed and listen to you.

Forever Yours,
The Girl Who Sets Her Sleep Machine to Rainstorm Every Night to Fall Asleep in the First Place