Open Letter #12

Dear Vending Machine Guy,

I already wrote you a letter about the fact that you brought a machine but no drinks for it. That was 10 days ago. There are still no drinks. Seriously?!

My Patience Only Goes So Far,
A Thirsty CUSTOMER

Open Letter #11

Dear Sweet 10 1/2 Year Old Child of Mine,

Thank you for teaching me more about the love of God. Thank you for showing me how to trust God more through your example. Thank you for making me a better person.

You have a million questions and I only have about half the answers. You push me to find them, and in doing so I am able to further my own knowledge and understanding.

You make me laugh with the funny way you understand things. I think you get that from me. It's probably my fault for trying to wrap every explanation into an easy-to-relate-to scenario. This is probably why you told me heaven sounds like an episode of The Waltons. Thanks for breaking that down for me. I think we may need to revisit that particular scenario.

You have the sweetest prayers. Seriously. You can bring adults (even those OTHER than your dear old mom) to tears with the fervency and sincerity of your pleadings with God. You have such a strong faith - you don't doubt for one second that God is there and that he is listening specifically to you. I have yet to hear you pray anything for yourself. I am sure that you do, and I know that some of the things you pray for are indirectly for yourself, but you always put others first in your prayers. We're working on that being evidenced in your deeds, but I have no doubt we'll get there eventually.

The suffering of others truly bothers you. You are always outraged at injustice and want to fix it, and fix it now. Even from a very young age, you have always been compassionate towards those less fortunate than you. You are also truly color and ability blind. You don't care what other people will think or say about you. You see others the way God sees them - as special and unique individuals worthy of your time and energy. You actively seek out those who are different and strive to incorporate them into your life. That's a lesson we all could stand to learn.

Please forgive me for being short tempered with you at times. Your mom is a sinner just like the rest of the world, and sometimes that gets the best of me. I need to be more patient with you. I need to be more understanding. I need to recognize that the Son of God offered himself up on the cross as a sacrifice to save you from your sins, and that then he gave you to me to love and care for. To guide and nurture, and to point back to him on a constant basis. I know I have made many mistakes and will continue to make them, but I pray that you will forgive me for them and that God will continue to shape and mold me to be the best mom to you that I can be.

Thanks for letting me be a part of your life's story.

I love you more than you will ever know,
Your Mama

Open Letter #10

Dear Lightening,

Please do not strike the school again. I know you were just being lightening and all, but here's why I need you to refrain from this in the future:

1. You took out the main switchboard telephone handset. This means all phone calls have to be forwarded to my office, because that is the only phone that actually rings and we can't hear the phone ringing.
2. You fried the brand new Smartboards. That cost $2200. Each.
3. You sent a surge of electricity through my ancient and outdated computers that are no longer under warranty and therefore cannot be fixed.
4. You knocked out the intercom system. We have to send runners to deliver messages.
5. You killed the fire alarm. We NEED the fire alarm. What if there was a fire?
6. You set off the alarm system. At 3am. They called me. Repeatedly.

But finally, and most importantly:
You peeled the bark off a tree in the parking lot. That tree happens to be directly in front of my parking spot. Now I am afraid to park there.

Kindly Keep Your Displays of Majestic Power to Yourself,

An Irate School Secretary

Open Letter #9

Dear Rain Gently Falling on my Rooftop at 5:30 in the Morning,

I love you. I love the way you sound cascading down the roof, the soft pitter patter your drops make as they hit the top of my house.

I love the way you soothingly splatter on my bedroom window. I love the sound you make when you puddle together in the gutters, the calming trinkle coming out of my down spouts.

Please stop.

You see, it is now dark:30a.m. and this means I have to get out of bed and go to work. And all I want to do is stay here in my cozy bed and listen to you.

Forever Yours,
The Girl Who Sets Her Sleep Machine to Rainstorm Every Night to Fall Asleep in the First Place

Open Letter #8

Dear Life at Cherry Grove Beach,

Please stop taunting me with your affordability and easy oceanfront living.

I am well aware of the wonderful amenities you boast, such as:

• reasonably priced ocean property (starting around $200,000) only 2-3 blocks from the actual ocean
• Neighborhoods that, while peppered with rental properties, are not over commercialized
• easy access to the public beach
• a golf cart ride away from a regular price grocery store
• Dining options within walking distance and golf cart driving distance
• A short, 20 min trip from all the commercialism I could ever want

However:

• I do not have a job there
• My parents refuse to move there with me (for now)
• My children could not come due to the fact that they have other parents too
• Um....yeah that's about it

So stop finding your way into my internet browser and forcing me to look at your spacious, furnished, ready-to-move-into options that meet my specific search criteria.

Yours Truly (no seriously, one day I WILL be yours!!!),

A Closet Beach Bum

Open Letter #7

Dear Vending Machine Guy,

I appreciate you maintaining a full service vending machine on our campus. I really do.

But when you drop off the machine and it doesn't have any drinks in it, I need you to bring some drinks. Because it's Friday. And people are thirsty. And under caffeinated. And they are coming to ME to yell about the fact that there aren't any drinks at all in the machine. No, not even a water. And all I have in my mini fridge is Capri Suns that are really there for the diabetic kids.

So could you please bring us some drinks? Before they hurt me?

Hiding from the Caffeine Freaks,
The Secretary They are All Blaming for the Lack of Drinks

Open Letter #6

Dear 10 1/2 Year Old Child of Mine,

Please do not make a big freaking deal out of losing a tooth at dinner, complete with theatrics about blood in your mouth and how much the tooth was hurting beforehand, and then demand your Tooth Fairy money up front. Especially don't have a fit when you wake up the next morning and discover that the Tooth Fairy hasn't paid you yet for said tooth. Maybe the Tooth Fairy has been working really hard at her day job lately and was tired and went to bed right after you did and forgot about the tooth. Or maybe you were last on her list of stops and it is still technically the night because we get up at Dark Thirty every morning like your mom told you.

So when she actually DOES come after we leave for the day, the very least you could do is check and see if she ever showed up. Cause there is totally a dollar under your pillow. And the Tooth Fairy had to call in her helper, Mr. Tooth Fairy to get that dollar under there before you got home from school. And it's been 2 whole days now. And you still haven't found it.

Also, thank you for still being young and sweet enough to believe in the silly 'ol Tooth Fairy. Cause she still thinks you are an itty bitty baby who is never going to grow up and leave her one day. Even if your feet ARE bigger than hers now and your armpits are stinky.

Love,
Your Crazy Mom