Open Letter #18

Dear Florist Shop,

I get that it might be possible for you to run a delivery service with outdated atlases. Well I don't get it, actually, but whatever works for you.

But when you call me to tell me that the flowers we ordered can't be delivered because you can't look up an address....really? Cause I just looked it up on Google and gave you turn by turn directions from your shop to their house....

L2TwentyFirstCentury,
A Secretary who Hates Googling Simple Things for People

Open Letter #14

Dear Parents Who Don't Get Along with Each Other,

Just because you don't like the person you chose as your child's other parent does not change the fact that they are the child's other parent.

If Dad shows up at school and can prove he's Dad, he gets to take Jr.

Did you go to court? Did you get his rights restricted? No? Then I can't restrict them for you.

But he's not on the birth certificate? News flash - if you went after him for child support and won, then he has proof he is Dad. You dug that grave yourself. But he's not paying it? Too bad for you. Unless Jr. is Bobo the 3 headed clown at the state fair, he doesn't have to pay admission for the right to see his kid.

Handle your own legal matters. I am not the judge and I don't care what he did or didn't do or how far behind he is on his child support or whatever. When you decided to engage in sexual intercourse you decided he was good enough to parent your child. Even if.

Stop Trying to Change the Constitution to Suit You,
A Frustrated School Secretary

Replace Dad with Mom where appropriate

Open Letter #4, Part 2

*Politically Correct version can be found here.*

Dear Idiot Who Can't Figure Out How to Communicate Via Walkie Talkie,

Step One: Press the button.
Step Two: Wait 2 seconds before launching right in
Step Three: Sloooooow Dooooooown - you message WILL get across even if you must stop to breathe now and then
Step Four: Wait 2 seconds before moving to the next step
Step Five: Release the button.

Stuff You Obviously Can't Figure Out for Yourself:

• Do not place your mouth directly on the speaker. This makes you sound like you are in a wind tunnel screaming bloody murder.


• When you talk like you is from da hood and drop endings off words, people cannot understand what in the heck you are trying to say. Same goes for if ya'll talk-uh like ya'll are in that'uh they'ur'uh country bar'uh. 


• If you start spewing out your message as soon are you hit the button, the first part of your message is going to get cut off. Every time. Same goes for if you let go of the button before you finish talking. No one will hear the ending.


• You need to make sure the person you are trying to reach is atually there before you just dump your message out there. And you need to give them half a second to pick up the walkie and answer you back before you call them 18 more times. Maybe they are flushing the ding-dang toilet. Maybe they are on the phone. Have some patience! And if someone is calling you, let them know you heard them in as timely a manner as possible. Even it's just an "ok", "copy that", or "Ten-four good buddy"..


• If someone is talking and you need to say something back, wait two dang seconds before jamming that button and launching your message. Maybe they are taking a breath, you ever think of that???


• Other people on the walkie channel and in the near vicinity of the walkie carrier don't want to know that the person you are trying to reach has a phone call about the results of their highly personal medical procedure. Nor do they need to know someone's private business. Find a different way to get that info to them!


• Turn your walkie down or get a freaking headset if you are in a quiet situation. It's like hearing a cell phone go off at a funeral - it's distracting and unnecessary, as well as easily preventable! 

Seriously it's Not That Hard to Figure Out,

Other Walkie Talkie Users Who Have Half an Ounce of Sense

Open Letter #4, Part 1

*You can read how I really wanted to say it here.*

Dear Person Who Uses a Walkie Talkie,

Step One: Press the button.
Step Two: Pause briefly (consider taking a breath or counting to two)
Step Three: Speak slowly into the walkie until your complete message has been stated
Step Four: Pause briefly (consider taking a breath or counting to two)
Step Five: Release the button.

Helpful Hints:

• Do not place your mouth directly on the speaker. This can cause your voice to be distorted.


• Enunciation is very important.Try your best to speak clearly. When spelling, it is best to clarify letters that sound similar, such as "B as in boy" or "D as in dog".


• Pausing briefly before beginning to speak and after finishing will ensure that your message is not cut off prematurely.


• It is considered proper walkie etiquette to ask for the person you wish to speak to and wait for a response, then deliver your message. Likewise, you should respond stating that you received the message.


• If you are responding, pause briefly to ensure the person talking is, in fact, finished relaying his/her message.


• Be aware that messages relayed via walkie talkie are often broadcast quite loudly. If your message is of a personal or confidential matter, consider other forms of communication.


• If you are wearing a frequently used walkie talkie and are in an area where a loud broadcast may cause a disruption, consider temporally turning the volume down and/or investing in a headset to deliver the message straight to your ear.

Thanks for your consideration,

Other Walkie Talkie Users