Open Letter #27

Dear Office Supply Company,

First off, let me say I think your free shipping and almost always next day delivery are awesome. I also love that you have uber discounts for me and that you send me coupons almost every day. Your website is super easy to navigate, your search feature not only finds what I'm looking for but remembers what I've ordered so when I'm trying to find that particular quantity and brand of glue sticks it suggests them for me. I like that you give me $2 credit for every ink cartridge I send in. I like that my account rep seems genuinely interested in not only making the sale but also in cultivating a relationship with me and in helping me find ways to save money and stretch my budget.

That being said...

I need you to work on your online images. Because I can't SEE the construction paper I'm ordering and yes, it DOES matter what the actual color is.

Example:

This is Butterscotch

This is Orange

That's the same picture. And yes, it's the same brand. Which means it's NOT the same color. So Now I don't know which is orange and which is sort of orange. And if you are a teacher it matters. A lot apparently.  You should see the red. Holiday red is more like pinkish red while red is more like burgundy. You have to order red-orange to get the crayon definition of red. And when you buy it 200 packs at a time, you really need to get the right color, because people will just not use it and then you are stuck with a bunch of it left over that never gets used (I'm looking at you, Caramel, that actually turned out to be more like doo-doo brown).

So if you could just fix that one teensy weensy little thing we could go back to being madly in love.

Colorfully Yours,
The Secretary with a Closet Full of Doo-doo Brown and Lime Green Paper

Open Letter #13

Dear Mr. Shoe Store Man,

I did not appreciate the dirty looks you gave my family at your shoe store last night.

You didn't need to come back and stare at us every 20 minutes like we were trying to steal your shoes. You better believe if I am going to pay $65 a pair for shoes my kids will destroy in 3 months and outgrow in 6, I am going to make darn sure they fit first.

This means that yes, I am going to make you remove the giant circle thing in the shoe so I can see if the shoe fits properly. And yes, I am going to have my kids walk around the store in them. And maybe even jog a teensy bit. This is why you put the kids shoes at the BACK, remember? So all the loud, romping children would be out of sight of the rest of your customers?

My children were not all that bad, by the way. We threw our trash away and they even went back up to the counter with each pair that didn't fit so they could be retagged with your anti-theft device. How many people do that, huh?! AND they only ran a little bit. And they were quiet-ish for the most part. Certainly not screaming like banshees or running around like something out of The Exorcist or laying in the floor doing the Curly Shuffle while their parents ignored them.

Plus, it's not like you were doing a ton of business on a Tuesday night anyway. And we spent $158. So seriously? Next time try smiling and asking if you can put those shoes back for us, or offer to find us a size. Be glad you don't work for tips.

Sincerely,
Angry Mama Bear

Open Letter #12

Dear Vending Machine Guy,

I already wrote you a letter about the fact that you brought a machine but no drinks for it. That was 10 days ago. There are still no drinks. Seriously?!

My Patience Only Goes So Far,
A Thirsty CUSTOMER

Open Letter #7

Dear Vending Machine Guy,

I appreciate you maintaining a full service vending machine on our campus. I really do.

But when you drop off the machine and it doesn't have any drinks in it, I need you to bring some drinks. Because it's Friday. And people are thirsty. And under caffeinated. And they are coming to ME to yell about the fact that there aren't any drinks at all in the machine. No, not even a water. And all I have in my mini fridge is Capri Suns that are really there for the diabetic kids.

So could you please bring us some drinks? Before they hurt me?

Hiding from the Caffeine Freaks,
The Secretary They are All Blaming for the Lack of Drinks

Open Letter #3

Dear Mr. Convenience Store Guy,

I know you are trying to run a business. I understand supply and demand. I get that you have to mark things higher than what you bought them for in order to turn a profit.

But $2.54 for a bag of ice? That better be freaking Evian frozen in there. Besides, you are already charging $1.25 for air...

Sincerely,
The Girl who Thinks You are Ripping People Off and Laughing All the Way to the Bank