Open Letter #5

Dear Person with the Giant Email Signature,

I think it's great that you have figured out how to jazz up the bottom of all of your emails.But I have a couple of problems with your signature.

Let's look at it, shall we?



Thanks so much for all your hard work and help,

Jane A. Doe, B.A., M.A., Ed.D., A.B.C., X.Y.Z.
Executive Administrative Assistant to John Smith, CEO
Lead Administrative Assistant
President, Association of Office Professionals
Chairman of Corporate American Business Solutions Social Committee
Head Coffee Maker
Corporate American Business Solutions
234 My Lane, Building A, Floor 17, Room 108, Cubicle 19, Black Chair, Green Rug
555-123-1234 ext 789 (Phone)
800-123-1234 ext 789 (Toll-Free)
555-123-6789 (Fax)
800-123-6789 (Toll-Free Fax)
www.corporateamericanbusinesssolutions.com
www.corporateamericanbusinesssolutions.com/janeadoe/html
"Happiness is all about perspective. If you choose to be happy, you will be. If you choose not to be happy, you won't be. Every day we are faced with a choice; will I choose to be happy today, or will I choose not to be? It is up to us each day to make that choice. Our day, and the flow of our day, will be determined by how we choose. So choose to be happy today!"




Here's what we are all thinking but no one will tell you:

1. Your education. I don't need to know every degree that you have earned. Just put the highest one and leave it at that. And then only if it's a really impressive one. Cause we all have a B.A., just sayin'.


2. Crazy fonts and colors. My eyes. They bleed.


3. Contact info. It's a good thing. But let's not go crazy with it. If you are linking me to your website with your contact info on it, you don't need to put it all on your signature.


4. Quotes. We all like nice quotes on our signatures. But let's keep it simple. If the impact can't be made in 1-2 short sentences, it's no longer a quote. Anything more than about 20 words is too long. And really 20 words is probably too long. It's an email signature, not a blog post.


5. Job titles. We all wear a lot of hats these days. Your email signature is not the place to list every one of these. That, my friend, is called a resume. We are not impressed by all the responsibilities you are entrusted with. Just give me your main duty, and leave it at that.


6. Images. For the love of Pete, please take that large image file out of your email signature. Do you know how many emails I get and send a day? And how many of those require me to send and receive large attachments? You get the same 75MB of email storage that I do. When every one of your emails is at least 500KB due to the picture file embedded in your signature, you file up my storage space. This means I have to delete your emails almost as soon as I get them or my outbox will cease to function correctly. GET RID OF THE PICTURE!


7. Pretyped closings. No one believes you are thankful for their help when every email is pre stamped 3 lines from the end of the body with "Thanks for the help,". And what if you weren't asking for help? My next most despised one is "Sincerely,". Most emails are just not formal enough to require sincerely. And if you are forwarding me a chain letter stating that Lolcats are going to invade my home if I don't send it to 10 people within the next 20 minutes, I doubt your sincerity in the first place.

Now that you know you are driving us all batty, please go back into your signature file and make corrections. The rest of us thank you. 

Yours Truly,

The Girl with the Flooded Inbox