Dear Parent of Screaming 2 1/2 year Old Standing in My Lobby,
Your child is wailing like a 3 month old baby. I had to look twice to make sure you didn't also have a young infant in here.
At 2 1/12 years old, your child is more than capable of vocalizing to you his needs and wants. The fact that he is pulling on your shirt and crying like a very small infant tells me that when he throws a fit like this at home he gets his way.
This is further enforced by the fact that I know first hand that your 8 year old and 6 year old respond the very same way here at school.
He's been crying like this for 23 minutes. TWENTY THREE MINUTES. Take him back out to the car until he calms down. Or find a sitter. (Or stop giving in to him when he acts like this.) This is a school. Other people's children are trying to learn. You are disrupting the learning environment.
Your kids aren't bad. It's your parenting skills.
It's Time to Grow Up Now Because You are a Mom,
The Secretary who Can't Answer the Phone Because Your Child is So Loud
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Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Open Letter #16
Dear Warm and Comfy Bed,
Why is it that you are Oh-So-Wonderful at 5:00am on a Monday morning but not so much on a Saturday? You know I can actually STAY in there on Saturday, right? Like, until 8:30 or, maybe even 9:00?! Do you and the alarm clock have some kind of deal going where you are only super wonderful on days that it gets to go off? How can we fix this - I really want to love you all 7 days of the week and not just on the 5 I am forced to leave your loving embrace at some crazy hour.
Let's Work on This,
Your Sleepy Friend
Why is it that you are Oh-So-Wonderful at 5:00am on a Monday morning but not so much on a Saturday? You know I can actually STAY in there on Saturday, right? Like, until 8:30 or, maybe even 9:00?! Do you and the alarm clock have some kind of deal going where you are only super wonderful on days that it gets to go off? How can we fix this - I really want to love you all 7 days of the week and not just on the 5 I am forced to leave your loving embrace at some crazy hour.
Let's Work on This,
Your Sleepy Friend
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Open Letter #15
Dear People Who Work in a School,
No one made you work here. If you don't like children, get out. Right now.
No seriously, this is a safe place for children, all children. Regardless of their race or background, regardless of the choices their parents make and have made. For you to sit on your Upper Middle Class high horse and look down your nose at a little child who has no choice about his circumstances makes me sick. I don't expect you to know every detail of every child's personal circumstances. But I DO expect you to be compassionate to all the children. When you speak to a little child with an attitude and sneer at them because they are inconveniencing you...I don't even have words.
Just so you know, that child you yelled at this morning who came in at 8:30 wanting breakfast? He hasn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. He doesn't know where his mother is. His big brother who has always taken care of him is living with his grandma, and his little sister he's always looked out for is with mom. He is being bounced from house to house by his father's relatives. A father who, by the way, he barely knows. They are taking him in as they are able, but this little child has no idea where he will rest his head tonight or even how he will leave school. All of his possessions are in his bookbag. He's been wearing the same exact clothes for 2 weeks. Sometimes they get washed, when he is able to find someone kind enough to wash them. This is the only safe haven he has right now.
So for you to treat him like you did this morning is completely unacceptable. I hope you enjoyed that cinnamon roll you kept for yourself, because had I not seen that go down, that child would have remained hungry until lunch this afternoon.
Now like I said, I know you don't know every child's circumstances, nor do I expect you to. But maybe your eyes will be a little more open to the fact that these kids deal with things you cannot even imagine. And a little bit of the child was shattered this morning when you chose to be ugly to him. A little bit more of his faith in humanity was destroyed.
Try to Love Them Like Jesus Does,
An Advocate for the Children
No one made you work here. If you don't like children, get out. Right now.
No seriously, this is a safe place for children, all children. Regardless of their race or background, regardless of the choices their parents make and have made. For you to sit on your Upper Middle Class high horse and look down your nose at a little child who has no choice about his circumstances makes me sick. I don't expect you to know every detail of every child's personal circumstances. But I DO expect you to be compassionate to all the children. When you speak to a little child with an attitude and sneer at them because they are inconveniencing you...I don't even have words.
Just so you know, that child you yelled at this morning who came in at 8:30 wanting breakfast? He hasn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday. He doesn't know where his mother is. His big brother who has always taken care of him is living with his grandma, and his little sister he's always looked out for is with mom. He is being bounced from house to house by his father's relatives. A father who, by the way, he barely knows. They are taking him in as they are able, but this little child has no idea where he will rest his head tonight or even how he will leave school. All of his possessions are in his bookbag. He's been wearing the same exact clothes for 2 weeks. Sometimes they get washed, when he is able to find someone kind enough to wash them. This is the only safe haven he has right now.
So for you to treat him like you did this morning is completely unacceptable. I hope you enjoyed that cinnamon roll you kept for yourself, because had I not seen that go down, that child would have remained hungry until lunch this afternoon.
Now like I said, I know you don't know every child's circumstances, nor do I expect you to. But maybe your eyes will be a little more open to the fact that these kids deal with things you cannot even imagine. And a little bit of the child was shattered this morning when you chose to be ugly to him. A little bit more of his faith in humanity was destroyed.
Try to Love Them Like Jesus Does,
An Advocate for the Children
Monday, September 19, 2011
Letter to the Readers
Dear Reader,
First of all, humor me. I am pretending you exist and that I am not just writing this blog for the amusement of the magic internet faeries.
Before we go any farther, I thought there were a couple of things you might need to know.
I started this blog because there was never enough room on FaceBook to fully write an open letter. That and people tending to think said letters were directed towards them specifically, which is generally not true. I am a pretty sarcastic person by nature and sometimes I just need an outlet to get the snark out, ya know?!
Apparently, some people think I am funny. Or have a talent for writing. Or something. While those people may or may not have issues, I am choosing to think that I AM, in fact, funny and DO have a talent for writing. Take that, 11th grade English teacher who refused to give me an A no matter how good my papers were! "If it's not good enough to be published, I can't give you an A for it. A is for excellence."
It's possible I might have some stalker tendencies. I check my stats and get really excited when I have a page view that isn't mine. Yeah, I know. Anyway, if you ARE reading this, drop me a comment. You can remain anonymous if you REALLY want to. That will slowly drive me crazy, just so you know. Or crazier. Whatever.
I've made many attempts at blogging over the years but most of those have failed because the blog lacked direction. So I'm trying to keep the format of an open letter so the blog will have focus. This will probably change over time, but it's a start! And I've managed to keep it going this long!
Some things about me that you might not pick up on just due to the nature of this blog:
First of all, humor me. I am pretending you exist and that I am not just writing this blog for the amusement of the magic internet faeries.
Before we go any farther, I thought there were a couple of things you might need to know.
I started this blog because there was never enough room on FaceBook to fully write an open letter. That and people tending to think said letters were directed towards them specifically, which is generally not true. I am a pretty sarcastic person by nature and sometimes I just need an outlet to get the snark out, ya know?!
Apparently, some people think I am funny. Or have a talent for writing. Or something. While those people may or may not have issues, I am choosing to think that I AM, in fact, funny and DO have a talent for writing. Take that, 11th grade English teacher who refused to give me an A no matter how good my papers were! "If it's not good enough to be published, I can't give you an A for it. A is for excellence."
It's possible I might have some stalker tendencies. I check my stats and get really excited when I have a page view that isn't mine. Yeah, I know. Anyway, if you ARE reading this, drop me a comment. You can remain anonymous if you REALLY want to. That will slowly drive me crazy, just so you know. Or crazier. Whatever.
I've made many attempts at blogging over the years but most of those have failed because the blog lacked direction. So I'm trying to keep the format of an open letter so the blog will have focus. This will probably change over time, but it's a start! And I've managed to keep it going this long!
Some things about me that you might not pick up on just due to the nature of this blog:
- I'm first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my reason for everything in life. Please don't let the angrier of the posts fool you - I am committed to being daily molded to the image of Christ. That is another reason I started this blog; I noticed a creeping tendency to blurt things out and sometimes those things were inappropriate and/or hurtful. This blog is an outlet for me to get those things out of my system.
- I'm so incredibly blessed to be married to my wonderful husband. Every day I love him more than I did the day before.
- We have 2 great kids. I mean really great. Other people think their kids are great, and I'm sure they are, but ours are freaking great. I'm just sayin'. And they do not get their sense of humor from me. Or their use of sarcasm. I'll take full credit for their philanthropic tendencies and loving natures though.
- I work as a school finance and record keeping secretary at a public school in North Carolina with about 450 students. These kids are largely "from da hood" and live in poverty. This tends to lead to me using my "ghetto voice".
- I have a real passion for children and mental disabilities, both together and separately. This tends to come through in my writing. I may be prone to jumping up on my soapbox and going off when one of these hot button issues is pushed.
- I don't do secrets well. Or double lives. What you see is what you get. I'm not going to pretty it up to make myself feel better, though I do try to spare feelings when possible.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Open Letter #14
Dear Parents Who Don't Get Along with Each Other,
Just because you don't like the person you chose as your child's other parent does not change the fact that they are the child's other parent.
If Dad shows up at school and can prove he's Dad, he gets to take Jr.
Did you go to court? Did you get his rights restricted? No? Then I can't restrict them for you.
But he's not on the birth certificate? News flash - if you went after him for child support and won, then he has proof he is Dad. You dug that grave yourself. But he's not paying it? Too bad for you. Unless Jr. is Bobo the 3 headed clown at the state fair, he doesn't have to pay admission for the right to see his kid.
Handle your own legal matters. I am not the judge and I don't care what he did or didn't do or how far behind he is on his child support or whatever. When you decided to engage in sexual intercourse you decided he was good enough to parent your child. Even if.
Stop Trying to Change the Constitution to Suit You,
A Frustrated School Secretary
Replace Dad with Mom where appropriate
Just because you don't like the person you chose as your child's other parent does not change the fact that they are the child's other parent.
If Dad shows up at school and can prove he's Dad, he gets to take Jr.
Did you go to court? Did you get his rights restricted? No? Then I can't restrict them for you.
But he's not on the birth certificate? News flash - if you went after him for child support and won, then he has proof he is Dad. You dug that grave yourself. But he's not paying it? Too bad for you. Unless Jr. is Bobo the 3 headed clown at the state fair, he doesn't have to pay admission for the right to see his kid.
Handle your own legal matters. I am not the judge and I don't care what he did or didn't do or how far behind he is on his child support or whatever. When you decided to engage in sexual intercourse you decided he was good enough to parent your child. Even if.
Stop Trying to Change the Constitution to Suit You,
A Frustrated School Secretary
Replace Dad with Mom where appropriate
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Open Letter #13
Dear Mr. Shoe Store Man,
I did not appreciate the dirty looks you gave my family at your shoe store last night.
You didn't need to come back and stare at us every 20 minutes like we were trying to steal your shoes. You better believe if I am going to pay $65 a pair for shoes my kids will destroy in 3 months and outgrow in 6, I am going to make darn sure they fit first.
This means that yes, I am going to make you remove the giant circle thing in the shoe so I can see if the shoe fits properly. And yes, I am going to have my kids walk around the store in them. And maybe even jog a teensy bit. This is why you put the kids shoes at the BACK, remember? So all the loud, romping children would be out of sight of the rest of your customers?
My children were not all that bad, by the way. We threw our trash away and they even went back up to the counter with each pair that didn't fit so they could be retagged with your anti-theft device. How many people do that, huh?! AND they only ran a little bit. And they were quiet-ish for the most part. Certainly not screaming like banshees or running around like something out of The Exorcist or laying in the floor doing the Curly Shuffle while their parents ignored them.
Plus, it's not like you were doing a ton of business on a Tuesday night anyway. And we spent $158. So seriously? Next time try smiling and asking if you can put those shoes back for us, or offer to find us a size. Be glad you don't work for tips.
Sincerely,
Angry Mama Bear
I did not appreciate the dirty looks you gave my family at your shoe store last night.
You didn't need to come back and stare at us every 20 minutes like we were trying to steal your shoes. You better believe if I am going to pay $65 a pair for shoes my kids will destroy in 3 months and outgrow in 6, I am going to make darn sure they fit first.
This means that yes, I am going to make you remove the giant circle thing in the shoe so I can see if the shoe fits properly. And yes, I am going to have my kids walk around the store in them. And maybe even jog a teensy bit. This is why you put the kids shoes at the BACK, remember? So all the loud, romping children would be out of sight of the rest of your customers?
My children were not all that bad, by the way. We threw our trash away and they even went back up to the counter with each pair that didn't fit so they could be retagged with your anti-theft device. How many people do that, huh?! AND they only ran a little bit. And they were quiet-ish for the most part. Certainly not screaming like banshees or running around like something out of The Exorcist or laying in the floor doing the Curly Shuffle while their parents ignored them.
Plus, it's not like you were doing a ton of business on a Tuesday night anyway. And we spent $158. So seriously? Next time try smiling and asking if you can put those shoes back for us, or offer to find us a size. Be glad you don't work for tips.
Sincerely,
Angry Mama Bear
Monday, September 12, 2011
Open Letter #12
Dear Vending Machine Guy,
I already wrote you a letter about the fact that you brought a machine but no drinks for it. That was 10 days ago. There are still no drinks. Seriously?!
My Patience Only Goes So Far,
A Thirsty CUSTOMER
I already wrote you a letter about the fact that you brought a machine but no drinks for it. That was 10 days ago. There are still no drinks. Seriously?!
My Patience Only Goes So Far,
A Thirsty CUSTOMER
Open Letter #11
Dear Sweet 10 1/2 Year Old Child of Mine,
Thank you for teaching me more about the love of God. Thank you for showing me how to trust God more through your example. Thank you for making me a better person.
You have a million questions and I only have about half the answers. You push me to find them, and in doing so I am able to further my own knowledge and understanding.
You make me laugh with the funny way you understand things. I think you get that from me. It's probably my fault for trying to wrap every explanation into an easy-to-relate-to scenario. This is probably why you told me heaven sounds like an episode of The Waltons. Thanks for breaking that down for me. I think we may need to revisit that particular scenario.
You have the sweetest prayers. Seriously. You can bring adults (even those OTHER than your dear old mom) to tears with the fervency and sincerity of your pleadings with God. You have such a strong faith - you don't doubt for one second that God is there and that he is listening specifically to you. I have yet to hear you pray anything for yourself. I am sure that you do, and I know that some of the things you pray for are indirectly for yourself, but you always put others first in your prayers. We're working on that being evidenced in your deeds, but I have no doubt we'll get there eventually.
The suffering of others truly bothers you. You are always outraged at injustice and want to fix it, and fix it now. Even from a very young age, you have always been compassionate towards those less fortunate than you. You are also truly color and ability blind. You don't care what other people will think or say about you. You see others the way God sees them - as special and unique individuals worthy of your time and energy. You actively seek out those who are different and strive to incorporate them into your life. That's a lesson we all could stand to learn.
Please forgive me for being short tempered with you at times. Your mom is a sinner just like the rest of the world, and sometimes that gets the best of me. I need to be more patient with you. I need to be more understanding. I need to recognize that the Son of God offered himself up on the cross as a sacrifice to save you from your sins, and that then he gave you to me to love and care for. To guide and nurture, and to point back to him on a constant basis. I know I have made many mistakes and will continue to make them, but I pray that you will forgive me for them and that God will continue to shape and mold me to be the best mom to you that I can be.
Thanks for letting me be a part of your life's story.
I love you more than you will ever know,
Your Mama
Thank you for teaching me more about the love of God. Thank you for showing me how to trust God more through your example. Thank you for making me a better person.
You have a million questions and I only have about half the answers. You push me to find them, and in doing so I am able to further my own knowledge and understanding.
You make me laugh with the funny way you understand things. I think you get that from me. It's probably my fault for trying to wrap every explanation into an easy-to-relate-to scenario. This is probably why you told me heaven sounds like an episode of The Waltons. Thanks for breaking that down for me. I think we may need to revisit that particular scenario.
You have the sweetest prayers. Seriously. You can bring adults (even those OTHER than your dear old mom) to tears with the fervency and sincerity of your pleadings with God. You have such a strong faith - you don't doubt for one second that God is there and that he is listening specifically to you. I have yet to hear you pray anything for yourself. I am sure that you do, and I know that some of the things you pray for are indirectly for yourself, but you always put others first in your prayers. We're working on that being evidenced in your deeds, but I have no doubt we'll get there eventually.
The suffering of others truly bothers you. You are always outraged at injustice and want to fix it, and fix it now. Even from a very young age, you have always been compassionate towards those less fortunate than you. You are also truly color and ability blind. You don't care what other people will think or say about you. You see others the way God sees them - as special and unique individuals worthy of your time and energy. You actively seek out those who are different and strive to incorporate them into your life. That's a lesson we all could stand to learn.
Please forgive me for being short tempered with you at times. Your mom is a sinner just like the rest of the world, and sometimes that gets the best of me. I need to be more patient with you. I need to be more understanding. I need to recognize that the Son of God offered himself up on the cross as a sacrifice to save you from your sins, and that then he gave you to me to love and care for. To guide and nurture, and to point back to him on a constant basis. I know I have made many mistakes and will continue to make them, but I pray that you will forgive me for them and that God will continue to shape and mold me to be the best mom to you that I can be.
Thanks for letting me be a part of your life's story.
I love you more than you will ever know,
Your Mama
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Open Letter #10
Dear Lightening,
Please do not strike the school again. I know you were just being lightening and all, but here's why I need you to refrain from this in the future:
But finally, and most importantly:
You peeled the bark off a tree in the parking lot. That tree happens to be directly in front of my parking spot. Now I am afraid to park there.
Please do not strike the school again. I know you were just being lightening and all, but here's why I need you to refrain from this in the future:
- You took out the main switchboard telephone handset. This means all phone calls have to be forwarded to my office, because that is the only phone that actually rings and we can't hear the phone ringing.
- You fried the brand new Smartboards. That cost $2200. Each.
- You sent a surge of electricity through my ancient and outdated computers that are no longer under warranty and therefore cannot be fixed.
- You knocked out the intercom system. We have to send runners to deliver messages.
- You killed the fire alarm. We NEED the fire alarm. What if there was a fire?
- You set off the alarm system. At 3am. They called me. Repeatedly.
But finally, and most importantly:
You peeled the bark off a tree in the parking lot. That tree happens to be directly in front of my parking spot. Now I am afraid to park there.
Kindly Keep Your Displays of Majestic Power to Yourself,
An Irate School Secretary
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Open Letter #9
Dear Rain Gently Falling on my Rooftop at 5:30 in the Morning,
I love you. I love the way you sound cascading down the roof, the soft pitter patter your drops make as they hit the top of my house.
I love the way you soothingly splatter on my bedroom window. I love the sound you make when you puddle together in the gutters, the calming trinkle coming out of my down spouts.
Please stop.
You see, it is now dark:30a.m. and this means I have to get out of bed and go to work. And all I want to do is stay here in my cozy bed and listen to you.
Forever Yours,
The Girl Who Sets Her Sleep Machine to Rainstorm Every Night to Fall Asleep in the First Place
I love you. I love the way you sound cascading down the roof, the soft pitter patter your drops make as they hit the top of my house.
I love the way you soothingly splatter on my bedroom window. I love the sound you make when you puddle together in the gutters, the calming trinkle coming out of my down spouts.
Please stop.
You see, it is now dark:30a.m. and this means I have to get out of bed and go to work. And all I want to do is stay here in my cozy bed and listen to you.
Forever Yours,
The Girl Who Sets Her Sleep Machine to Rainstorm Every Night to Fall Asleep in the First Place
Monday, September 5, 2011
Open Letter #8
Dear Life at Cherry Grove Beach,
Please stop taunting me with your affordability and easy oceanfront living.
I am well aware of the wonderful amenities you boast, such as:
Please stop taunting me with your affordability and easy oceanfront living.
I am well aware of the wonderful amenities you boast, such as:
- reasonably priced ocean property (starting around $200,000) only 2-3 blocks from the actual ocean
- Neighborhoods that, while peppered with rental properties, are not over commercialized
- easy access to the public beach
- a golf cart ride away from a regular price grocery store
- Dining options within walking distance and golf cart driving distance
- A short, 20 min trip from all the commercialism I could ever want
However:
- I do not have a job there
- My parents refuse to move there with me (for now)
- My children could not come due to the fact that they have other parents too
- Um....yeah that's about it
So stop finding your way into my internet browser and forcing me to look at your spacious, furnished, ready-to-move-into options that meet my specific search criteria.
Yours Truly (no seriously, one day I WILL be yours!!!),
A Closet Beach Bum
Friday, September 2, 2011
Open Letter #7
Dear Vending Machine Guy,
I appreciate you maintaining a full service vending machine on our campus. I really do.
But when you drop off the machine and it doesn't have any drinks in it, I need you to bring some drinks. Because it's Friday. And people are thirsty. And under caffeinated. And they are coming to ME to yell about the fact that there aren't any drinks at all in the machine. No, not even a water. And all I have in my mini fridge is Capri Suns that are really there for the diabetic kids.
So could you please bring us some drinks? Before they hurt me?
Hiding from the Caffeine Freaks,
The Secretary They are All Blaming for the Lack of Drinks
I appreciate you maintaining a full service vending machine on our campus. I really do.
But when you drop off the machine and it doesn't have any drinks in it, I need you to bring some drinks. Because it's Friday. And people are thirsty. And under caffeinated. And they are coming to ME to yell about the fact that there aren't any drinks at all in the machine. No, not even a water. And all I have in my mini fridge is Capri Suns that are really there for the diabetic kids.
So could you please bring us some drinks? Before they hurt me?
Hiding from the Caffeine Freaks,
The Secretary They are All Blaming for the Lack of Drinks
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Open Letter #6
Dear 10 1/2 Year Old Child of Mine,
Please do not make a big freaking deal out of losing a tooth at dinner, complete with theatrics about blood in your mouth and how much the tooth was hurting beforehand, and then demand your Tooth Fairy money up front. Especially don't have a fit when you wake up the next morning and discover that the Tooth Fairy hasn't paid you yet for said tooth. Maybe the Tooth Fairy has been working really hard at her day job lately and was tired and went to bed right after you did and forgot about the tooth. Or maybe you were last on her list of stops and it is still technically the night because we get up at Dark Thirty every morning like your mom told you.
So when she actually DOES come after we leave for the day, the very least you could do is check and see if she ever showed up. Cause there is totally a dollar under your pillow. And the Tooth Fairy had to call in her helper, Mr. Tooth Fairy to get that dollar under there before you got home from school. And it's been 2 whole days now. And you still haven't found it.
Also, thank you for still being young and sweet enough to believe in the silly 'ol Tooth Fairy. Cause she still thinks you are an itty bitty baby who is never going to grow up and leave her one day. Even if your feet ARE bigger than hers now and your armpits are stinky.
Love,
Your Crazy Mom
Please do not make a big freaking deal out of losing a tooth at dinner, complete with theatrics about blood in your mouth and how much the tooth was hurting beforehand, and then demand your Tooth Fairy money up front. Especially don't have a fit when you wake up the next morning and discover that the Tooth Fairy hasn't paid you yet for said tooth. Maybe the Tooth Fairy has been working really hard at her day job lately and was tired and went to bed right after you did and forgot about the tooth. Or maybe you were last on her list of stops and it is still technically the night because we get up at Dark Thirty every morning like your mom told you.
So when she actually DOES come after we leave for the day, the very least you could do is check and see if she ever showed up. Cause there is totally a dollar under your pillow. And the Tooth Fairy had to call in her helper, Mr. Tooth Fairy to get that dollar under there before you got home from school. And it's been 2 whole days now. And you still haven't found it.
Also, thank you for still being young and sweet enough to believe in the silly 'ol Tooth Fairy. Cause she still thinks you are an itty bitty baby who is never going to grow up and leave her one day. Even if your feet ARE bigger than hers now and your armpits are stinky.
Love,
Your Crazy Mom